Confidence Isn't Polished
It's Lived
The other day I had an idea for shorts/reels/toks. I’ve been getting back in the groove of making guided meditation videos for my YouTube channel and wanted to add some shorts to the mix.
I tend to go on a 5+ mile walk every day (or as often as possible) in nature and on one of these walks I had the idea to record some short videos about mindfulness and meditation. The excitement grew…I knew I wanted to go early in the morning and wear my white dress.
So…I did it.
I hadn’t seen myself on camera for a hot second. I hadn’t recording anything in months. I remember feeling a bit silly…wearing my dress…it’s not the most flattering…I wasn’t wearing any makeup…I felt bloated at the time…the camera angles weren’t perfect…
But I posted them anyway.
My first comment on YouTube was a random man saying, “You should go on a diet.”
I looked at that comment. Felt into my body….and all that came up was a laugh. My “worst” fear had come true— A random man had judged my body!
A few days later I was posting another one of the videos (I made 14 of them). I didn’t like how I looked in it. I observed negative thoughts about myself. Then I observed that I was observing them and not identify with them…and THAT my dear friends…is the heart of confidence.
Having those negative self talk thoughts wasn’t changing any action for me. The video still went up.
I watched them…those thoughts…spin around…wonder how anyone could find me attractive…then other thoughts reminding myself how many times people had found me attractive…other thoughts reminding me again that the point of the videos has nothing to do with my body or looks but mindfulness and meditation. Even more thoughts about how I find people attractive who have bodies of all shapes and sizes so why the hell can others not have the same view about me and my body?
It was a beautiful mess.
A human mess.
Just because you have intrusive negative thoughts doesn’t mean you’re not confident. It just means you’re human.
If you let those thoughts control you…hinder you from really showing up as yourself…then you need to go inward and look at why.
I’m glad that random man on YouTube told me that I needed to go on a diet. It showed me that even when those thoughts can come true…I’m OK.
He didn’t hurt my feelings.
Ten years ago, a comment like that would have wrecked me. I would have spun out with it assuming everyone watching the video was thinking that…feeling ashamed and worthless all from some rando projecting on me.
What is the truth?
I fuckin’ love my body! I enjoy my body! My body can go on long walks and has long legs! I can show up no matter how I look and be happy that I can make videos and show myself….as I am… “flaws” in all.
For me…confidence is about just enjoying who you are. Accepting yes, but also beyond that. I love and trust myself. I ENJOY myself…
Confidence is not ever having negative self talk. It’s knowing that those thoughts are not the truth. They are simply the pain from the past talking…worried they may get rubbed again.
If you want to go through life not getting rubbed by things than you’re in for a miserable life.
If you know you’re going to be rubbed sometimes…and know that you can move through it…than you move through life with a quiet confidence that creates expansion…opportunities…joy…growth…
It’s all in your hands.
Astronaut of Life is a place for explorers of life, both inward and outward. Exploring who we are and how to live life embodied in love, security, and wisdom.
To me, an astronaut is more than just someone who goes into space. It is a symbol for exploration of the unknown. There is bravery there, risk, and wonder.
Is this not how we should view life??
This is my approach to life. As an avid traveler, both on Earth and in the other dimensions, I find life full of wonder.
Go inward to explore.
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This is powerful because this is what real confidence looks like.
Not the fake kind where nothing ever touches you.
The real kind where something does touch an old wound, and you still do not hand it your power.
That random comment did not define you. It revealed how far you have come. Because years ago, it may have pulled you into shame, but now your spirit could look at it and laugh because you already know who you are.
That is healing.
That is mindfulness in motion.
To observe the thought without becoming the thought is such a sacred level of awareness. Because we all have those human moments where the mind tries to repeat old pain, old insecurity, old voices that were never ours to keep.
But the truth is still the truth.
Your body carried you on those walks. Your body showed up in nature. Your body allowed you to create, breathe, teach, and be seen. That is beautiful.
Confidence is not perfection.
Confidence is presence.
It is saying, “I may feel the fear, I may hear the thought, but I am still going to show up as me.”
And that is where freedom begins.
This is incredibly needed today. The comment section is a great psychological trainer tool that helps take blank statements that are foreign and alchemize them into productive thought sequences that serve great purposes.
The courage to be online and be seen is usually much stronger than the ones posting comments. I’m impressed always at everyone’s ability to be themselves, it’s a pretty amazing accomplishment. Be proud of your progress, and live will reward you even further